Monday, 22 October 2012

Documenting October part 3

details of my room in the pretty sunlight

i've got light running through my veins

i don't know what i can save you from

you keep running through my veins, you never tire. i keep on chasing you, knee-scraped, heart-bruised, barely catching my breath. at times you stop and rest your head on my soul and that’s when i know you miss me and my skin becomes all goosebumps and the knot in my throat dissolves into tears and i melt into the thought of holding you. 

‘all i ever wanted was to hold you…all i ever asked for was for you to let me…’

but you keep running and running ever more scared and i ache for you deep down to the marrow of my bones and to the tiniest vessels of my heart and i’m afraid that one day i will collapse and all the love i hold will flood my veins and drown you.

there's days like these when all i want is to do is wrap myself in all the blankets i own and  just stay in bed and forget about everything else...

slowly healing zebra bruised legs...(p.s.: bike accidents are not nice)

this is totally random, but i sort of like it although it was taken very quickly in between studying for finals.

what my day looked like and still looks like. add to this bon iver's coachella concert played over and over and over again and an unexpected study high which keeps me very motivated still. so i am only taking a break to post this now, but i will go back to studying for my exams in a minute.

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Documenting October part 2

exercising my cooking skills: roasted honey carrots with couscous and onions. yum yum!

the city adventures...

...and the cake baking adventures...

and the yummy outcomes (my dark chocolate and raspberry birthday cakes) which made me very proud!

the day I turned 21, I got to have beside me the warmest people whom I've come to call my container family (the building we live in is a former container so that's where the name comes from :P). I got to smile even though I was far away from home. I got to realize that although I'm getting older, I am also getting wiser, while my heart and soul still remain wild and restless and hungry for the purest feelings. I got to acknowledge that time has a way of deepening everything: pain, love, me they all become more intense as time goes by and they remind me of how lucky I am to have felt at all. I got to learn that the heart always senses what is meant to be, and that in the end, that will find a way to be...

...and I also got to see Lucy Rose live! And it was the best way to put an end to a very very nice birthday. She is the most genuine and lovely singer I've ever seen live and being at her gig, listening to her music with my eyes closed, made me feel so peaceful and...happy.

sunny and slightly warmer days are a very rare thing in Amsterdam, so when one comes about, as a rule, you must go outdoors to enjoy it before it starts raining again (thing which might happen from one minute to another, anyway). so I went out with my flatmate to Westerpark and enjoyed a really nice sunset in a very serene place.

there must be something about October 12th because last year it brought about the blues as well.

why I should be where you are

because I am not scared of anything anymore. because I know your monsters and I want them to know me too. sadness should not haunt you alone. so understand that you don't have to search anymore. reach inside of your darkness and pull me out. my soul is yours to keep.

maybe I should start calling Sunday flea market day. I was in the biggest flea market that takes place in the Netherlands. I have honestly never seen so many things in one place and for such little prices! however, I really hope that I will not come down with a cold after this because the weather was so bad and I literally froze. so now, I am praying that the tons of tea, the hot showers and the warm socks will keep me safe.

Sunday, 7 October 2012

Documenting October part 1

I started this whole documenting October thing last year and now, looking back at it, I thought I could make it an annual project. We'll see how that turns out. :)

why I am not where you are

because words have never been enough and never will be. because i need your eyes mirrored into the sadness of mine to let my heart speak in silence. then you’d understand everything, like you did on the first day when our ribs interlaced through clothes and flesh and snowflakes. but you built these walls so high, and I am miles away from your smile and I can’t steady my heart to beat into proper Morse code. so if you ever feel an earthquake, please know that it means ‘i love you’ and the aftermaths mean ‘i miss you’.

thoughts of a lonely mind, in the middle of the night. people should not be allowed to miss one another so much.

I walked around the city after school and found this really amazing English second hand bookshop in which I wondered for some time, being amazed at the selection of titles they had. I promised myself I will go back there one day and buy something.
From there, I walked to Central Station to take the bus home, as the sky looked more gloomy, and the rain started.

I spent the afternoon bundled up in my blanket, drinking tea and eating raspberry jam toast, reading for school and missing my friends back home to the moon and back.

The four stages of a very yummy vanilla black tea with milk...

...and the laziness of drinking it in bed on a very rainy morning.

Words that keep me sane on days when all I want to do is disappear.

This was a really cold, windy and rainy day, but I had to be in school to meet a girl who is conducting a psychological experiment in which I volunteered to take part. It was really interesting, and facing the rough weather for it proved to be worth it.
Later on, I went to Ikea, which turned out to be one of the saddest things I've ever done, since whenever I went there when I was back home I was with my roommates. All of a sudden, I missed everyone and everything.

Sunny days are really rare lately, but they bring the most beautiful light in my room when they come about, making it really hard to stop taking photos and to focus on studying.

Every first Sunday of each month, there is a market in Westerpark, very close to where I live. Last month I missed it, but today I went there and it was a really nice way to spend my Sunday afternoon. The atmosphere was amazing, there was music, delicious food and a lot of very nice things for sale. In all the craze, though, love found its way. :)